Me, a few days after my "big chop." March '07.
Why did I go natural? It may sound a little cliche, but it all started with this book called Hair Story by Ayana Byrd and Lori Tharps. Ironically, it was my mother's book. (Ironically because she was the first person to make me feel shame about the way I looked, esp. right after my BC. Hence, the make-up.) I read the book over and over again, soaking it up. I don't remember when I got my first relaxer. That's how young I was. If I had to make a guess I would say six. But I was getting press and curls all the way up until then. I don't ever remember seeing a picture with my hair natural. Ever. And then I decided, at 17, no more relaxers. This was right before prom, mind you. My mother told everybody it was just another "kick" I was on. But I stuck with it. Now, at the time, I knew nothing about the burgeoning natural hair community. I was just letting my hair grow and pressing it out. I got my first weave for prom:
I graduated and ended up going to Indiana University- Bloomington where I continued pressing my hair and eventually started Googling "natural hair." I started learning terms like BC=big chop, transitioning, and co-washing. After fighting with my hair for months, almost a year, and looking at pictures of other beautiful naturals, I decided to cut my hair off. I did it the day before my mother came to pick me up for Spring Break. She seemed okay with it at first but a few days later she was pointing out relaxers in the store saying I need to do something with that mess. I ignored the comments at first but, after we went to a beauty store and she acted ashamed of being seen with me, it started to get to me. After we drove up to Milwaukee (from Indianapolis, where we lived at the time) I let her do something she said would "soften my hair." I let her texturize it. Dun-dun-dun.
Now, at the time I had no idea what a texturizer was. I had done no research and never knew anybody with one. So when she said that it was like, Um, okay. Sure. She put the stuff in my hair. It smelled like relaxer. I started to read the instructions while she was doing it and realized that a texturizer is a mild relaxer! By the time I realized this, it was too late. The damage was done. Mostly.
My hair was all frizzy and half-straight. Ugh. All it's past fro-gloriousness--gone! in one fatal swoop. I hated it so much a couple of weeks after returning to school I put my hair in micro braids and wore it like that till the end of the summer. I continued to wear braids and french braids until the end of that year. All through the year I researched and found sites like "Black Girl With Long Hair," which remains my favorite natural hair care site to this day. I took my braids out and taught myself how to cornrow my own hair. I taught myself how to two-strand twist and detangle my hair. I slowly trimmed the straight ends of my hair off, and I began again. I alternated with braids and weaves over the next year until I was confident enough to wear my hair out. Now and then I have faltered and weaved and wigged it. But I am now thoroughly in love with my hair! Throughout this entire process, I have re-learned how to love myself.
